To Humor or not to Humor

How important is your behavior with different types of people? Another way to state this is, does it matter if you can relate to many types of people?

I was part of a discussion recently where a question like this was asked of us. There were numerous suggestions including be yourself, God made you the way you are, it depends on your audience, the Apostle Paul was all things to all people and some others.

I think it depends on your objectives. What are you trying to accomplish? If it involves people then you will have to learn how to influence them to get the outcomes you desire.  To influence people you need to relate to them through your words, your actions, your appearance and your behavior.

There is choice to be made here. Do you remain the way you are or do you try to become better at relating?

In most cases you will need to act differently with kids than with adults. Although with your adult friends you may act more like a kid than you do with the kids. The relationship you have developed with your friends over time will determine how you act with them.

For a presentation to potential investors or to people you want to join your team to accomplish some important objectives or to hire you you should act differently if you want results. Not like a teenager or immature adult. People won’t trust you and take you seriously. They won’t trust you with their money or their time if they are busy.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t use humor if it is one of your traits or gifts from God. Don’t overuse humor all the time. Humor is very effective in communication if used properly and at the right time. If you aren’t sure how to use it search the internet, get some books, find an effective speaker or trainer who uses humor well and watch and learn or find someone skillful in using humor to mentor you.

Choose whom you listen to and whom you get your advice from carefully. That means use your discernment or learn how to develop that discernment because your life or career may be in the balance.

As part of the process you will also have to learn how to read people for feedback to know when you are effective in your communication.

To be effective with people you need to influence them

To influence them you need to relate to them

To relate to them you need to make them feel comfortable with you.

When they are comfortable with you they will listen to you, support you and help you achieve the goals you have.

You could say relationships make the world go ‘round.

A Manhood Definition

I have been in a number of meetings where the question came up many times about a definition of manhood. Many of the meetings were where men were asking questions because they had young boys and they wanted to know how to raise them and other meetings were with authors or speakers who were imparting their knowledge and wisdom about this topic and its importance.

While reading through a book I recently purchased I came on a good manhood definition. The book provides some explanation as to how the authors arrived at this definition that is helpful in understanding how a boy advances through puberty to manhood in ways other than physical.

The physical part is the easier part. Muscles develop, bones grow, voices change automatically. It's the intangibles like maturity, responsibility, accountability, learning etc. that can be more difficult to acquire especially if there is no one teaching the boy / young man.

A man, regardless of age, who has learned these things and can model manhood is the best teacher for boys. Even though we all haven't had a good model in our lives we can still learn how to be good at it. It takes effort and commitment and a desire to become better.

 A Definition of Manhood
A man is an adult male
who accepts his masculinity
speaks and acts with maturity
embraces responsibility
functions independently
can lead a family faithfully
and recognizes his accountability
as an image bearer of God
from 'The Resolution for Men' by Stephen & Alex Kendrick with Randy Alcorn

Most everything in life is a process. Some processes occur as a normal part of life and are automatic. Some require us to participate and to make decisions and take steps along the way. For manhood it's about the choices we make along the way.

Exciting Times

Mark Turgeon, the new basketball coach at the University of Maryland, said some interesting things at his introductory press conference today.

When asked his style he said it is winning.

He commented that he would be whatever his players needed for them to succeed – Father, Uncle, Mentor – whatever they needed.

He said his family comes first and his players are second.

I think if I was a Terrapin Basketball player I would be encouraged and excited.

I think if I was a Maryland basketball fan I would have a lot of hope due to another statement he made. As part of an answer to a question he said: ‘If you have tickets, keep ‘em. If you don’t have tickets, get ‘em.’

Turgeon played for Larry Brown at Kansas and coached with Roy Williams. He also coached in some other college programs, most recently at Texas A & M and for awhile with the Sixers.

Could be a fun time ahead for the Maryland Terrapins.

Who really needs to be rescued?

What is it with guys now days? Every few weeks or months an article or several show up in newspapers or magazines or on web sites and talks about how difficult it is to be a man in our modern society. I saw some book reviews recently that have prompted me to write this.

I have been to many men’s seminars that talk about the reasons why this happens to men and why it isn’t fair to men. Hopefully this gives you guys a hint that whining doesn’t solve things.

The old way of living with women is way over. You may remember that lifestyle where the woman was supposed to jump and get the man whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. Kinda like your parents may have lived depending on your age. To see what it was like go watch some episodes of ‘All in the Family’.

The women were forced or encouraged to stay home and take care of the kids or if they did work in most cases it wasn’t in a very high paying job. Men weren’t challenged and had no reason to change.

Since the 60’s that has been changing as women have demanded and received equal treatment in most cases. So what has really happened?

Women have gone on to complete high school and college in greater numbers than men so they now realize that they can do many of the things that men can do and sometimes more. This has also caused a problem for women in finding quality men to marry.

I think the big problem with men is their egos. Women have made choices and taken actions to equip themselves to succeed in life whether the men are doing the same or not. Actually I overheard a few women saying how they couldn’t wait to marry the guy they know who still lives with his parents and who gets the highest score on a certain video game. Yea right!

Guys you should stop reading the books that guys are writing, to make a lot of money, by telling you that life is unfair for men and start making decisions and taking actions to improve your self, to accomplish more.

Who is stopping you from running a marathon, climbing a mountain, rafting on the Colorado, skydiving, scuba diving, writing a book, driving a truck on the ice road, having a team in the Iditarod, surfing, driving a race car and whatever else it else it is that you aren’t doing. Is it a woman? Come on!

Oh and by the way you should know that your beauty doesn’t need to be rescued as John Eldredge in his various books including ‘Wild at Heart’ tries to convince you. Your woman is now qualified to do whatever you can do and maybe even more.

If you are really wild at heart then no man or woman is going to hold you back or limit you. The only one who can do that is you.

Reasons to risk

From the discussion of ‘Do you have what it takes’ by John Maxwell at the Maximum Impact Club. This section deals with Risk.

‘I think it is unfortunate that to some degree the word ‘entrepreneur’ has taken on the connotation of a gambler. Many times action is not the most risky path. The most risky path is inaction.

Experience has shown me that taking risks has specific advantages.
One – you learn things faster than the people who don’t take risks.
Two – you have a broader range of experiences
Three – you bump into more obstacles sooner than the people who play it safe.
Four – you learn to get around those obstacles.

So it’s not that you’re smarter than other guys; you just get a better education – quicker.

Risks
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk exposing you true self
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is risk dying
To hope is to risk despair

To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing and is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves, they have forfeited freedom

Who do you or will you serve?

Following is God’s direction to Joshua after Moses had died and that was recorded in Joshua 1:5-9. Joshua became a great warrior for God.

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”


- Joshua eventually led the Israelites across the Jordan and into Canaan and took the city of Jericho. The conquest of Canaan had little to do with Joshua’s military savvy or the Israelite’s bravery. It had everything to do with a promise God made to an old man (Abraham) with no kids. God delivers on His promises.
- Joshua listened to what God told him above and trusted God. Why don’t we listen to God? Oh, it’s because we’re too smart you say. At least smarter than Joshua.
- It is more important now than ever to have faith in God and to live for Him.
- Why don’t we believe God? Well it’s a nice story but it’s just a story you say. And besides how can I believe in a God if he doesn’t really ever make himself visible or do the things he has done in the Bible or lets bad things happen to good people.
- One of the most important things we, my wife and I, have decided is stated in Joshua 24:15: ‘But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.’

Don't sacrifice the gift

A quote attributed to the Head Basketball Coach of Virginia Commonwealth University Shaka Smart is below. After researching it on the Internet I found it was credited to Steve Prefontaine a distance runner I believe.

One thing that is not questionable is the way VCU plays basketball. The VCU kids are aggressive, talented and in the opponents' face constantly. Love the aggressiveness.

VCU is leaving it all on the court every game. There is no doubt that they are giving it their absolute best.


'To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift'