A Definition of Manhood – Principle 4

From the Book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – from Chapter 4, Be a Man of Responsibility.

A Man Functions Independently

Both the Old and New Testaments say that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). Even if a man never marries, God created him to be able to leave home and stand on his own two feet. He should be capable enough to work, function, and live without dependence on anyone else financially, spiritually or specifically.

…a grown man should not need his parents or others taking care of him. He should be a fountain, not a drain. He should seek counsel, but function autonomously.

God often uses mothers during our childhood, and our wives in marriage, to point out areas where we are not being responsible or stepping into manhood. They can help us with reminders on the front end, but we should never become dependent upon their ‘mothering’. Like Jesus, the older and more mature a young man gets, the more he will have to pull away from his mother, cut the umbilical cord, and make decisions for himself (Luke 2:48-50; John 2:1-8; Matthew 12:46-50).

So if your mother (or father) is still trying to run your life, you need to lovingly tell them that you are trying to be the man God has called you to be – that they should pray for you but give you (and your wife) the space to make your own decisions. You will never become a responsible man if you allow your parents to control or dominate you during adulthood.

You need your wife’s help…learn to outpace her concerns. When she brings up things you need to be already on it. “I’ve already taken care of that” should be often flowing from your lips. Anticipate and initiate.

…He (Christ) was completely plugged into the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. That’s why He was able to be more like a thermostat, affecting His circumstances, rather than like a thermometer, merely reacting to his surroundings. If it hasn’t already happened, it’s time to cut the cord. Declare – and live – your independence as a man who has taken full responsibility for himself.

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My Thoughts

Manhood requires not only strength, responsibility and maturity but also independence. This doesn’t mean we do things totally on our own without consulting others. There are Biblical references in Proverbs to encourage us to consult with others who are more knowledgeable and have more wisdom when making big decisions.

The best decisions, I think, are the ones we make after consulting God and trusting Him for guidance and direction.  We have a choice to make every time we make a decision or take an action – do we trust ourselves or do we trust God.

Have the faith to trust in God because that is what God wants – ‘And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him’ (Hebrews 11:6).

A Definition of Manhood – Principle 3

From the Book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – from Chapter 4, Be a Man of Responsibility.

A Man Embraces Responsibility

 ‘Men are happiest and at their best when they are responsible – and at their worst when they are not…We must resolve to fully embrace all of our responsibilities before God.

The main concept of responsibility is that you are being entrusted and empowered by a higher authority to care for something or someone. And along with this empowerment come the blessings of doing it well or the consequences of doing it poorly.

The first thing God did after creating the first man, Adam, was to give him responsibilities. He placed him in the garden “to cultivate it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). This meant he was to work it so that everything under his care would bloom and stay protected. In tandem with this responsibility, God gave Adam increased value, freedom and the ability to enjoy the fruit of his labor. And just like Adam, we too are wired and empowered by God to accept responsibility into our lives..Sin makes men tend to resist responsibility, but embracing it is part of our manhood.

When a young man is passive and irresponsible he greatly limits his freedoms, opportunities and success. Whereas responsibility builds up a man and everything around him, the lack of it only weakens and destroys. Irresponsible men are dangerous to whatever they touch.

Responsibility calls us to action and tests us. It reveals our character, our caliber and our commitment. It is both a gift and an honor. And the more maturity a man has the more responsibility God can trust him with.

 Don’t force your wife or children to shoulder what rightfully is on you. While you live and breathe, resolve to bloom and protect everything under your care.

Embrace responsibility! Love it! Live! Teach it to your children. Model it at home and at work. Initiate it with the other men around you. Be the man who makes the call and takes the heat. Come up with the plan and make sure it gets done. Own your mistakes and clean up your own mess. Beg God for wisdom and the guidance to do it well, and then trust Him for the courage never to run from it. “A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward.” (Luke 12:42-43 NLT)

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My Thoughts

Many men are fortunate in that they learn responsibility when they are young from either a father or a grandfather, participation in sports or music or theater, school work, part time job or military training. But these responsibilities are learned or driven by external sources.

If you haven’t had that opportunity or you didn’t heed the advice or you walked away from that opportunity earlier in your life you still can embrace responsibility through a mentor, the Bible, books, DVDs and CDs, seminars or a combination of all. Pray for God to provide direction, a mentor and the ways to gain wisdom that will help you grow and mature in this responsibility.

A Definition of Manhood – Principle 2

From the Book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – from Chapter 4, Be a Man of Responsibility.

A Man Speaks and Acts with Maturity

‘The Apostle Paul said, ‘When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child and reason like a child; when I became a man I did away with childish things’ (1 Corinthians 13:11). A vital transition takes place as a boy becomes a man. He must intentionally let go of childishness and foolishness.     

Clinging to childhood while growing into manhood is like trying to run in opposite directions at the same time. The ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’ is a modern term often used to describe immature men who refuse to grow up.

Because the teen years are often wasted and fathers have become silent, this generation of young men doesn’t know why they are here or what God has called them to become. So they wander into the future, drown themselves in entertainment and live for the weekend rather than for eternity. Rather than being responsible man of their word, they are non-committal and dependent upon their mothers. Rather than excelling and leading like previous generations, they are passively watching women their age surpass them in the classroom and in the marketplace. Rather than initiating serious conversations with wiser men, they goof off with fools in sports bars. Their identities are wrapped up in pleasing themselves and wasting their time, not bettering society and training up the next generation.

Too many men want the freedoms, rewards and privileges of manhood but only the responsibilities of boyhood. They want intimacy with their wives without loving them as God instructed. They want to be respected by their kids without investing time and discipline in them. They want a higher status at work without raising their own level of honor and integrity.

But if we want to be men, we must resolve that “we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching….Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ” (Ephesians 4:14-15 NLT). We will think the thoughts and speak the words of mature men, not teenage boys. As Paul challenged the early believers, “Do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature” (1 Corinthians 14:20 ESV).

Every man needs to identify and release any leftover childishness from his past. Childhood has come and gone. It’s time to repent of wanting to remain there, learn to act our age and move on to the greater, better and nobler things of men.  “The noble man makes noble plans and by noble deeds he stands” (Isaiah 32:8 NIV).’

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My Thoughts

Take the time needed to understand this passage. Read it as many times as necessary. Make the decision to become more mature regardless of your age and then take the steps necessary to accomplish this. More decisions will be required as you go through life to become the mature man you were created to be and make sure these are decisions that help you grow to be more like Christ.

Times haven't changed much

‘I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion of the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth I travelled much, and I observed in different countries, that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.’

Quote by Benjamin Franklin from – ‘On the Price of Corn and Management of the Poor[5] (29 November 1766)’

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In the Western Countries I think many of the poor can be led out of poverty. It will take perseverance and understanding but most of all it will take determination. Proper training and education will be required as well as encouragement. There are multiple generations of families currently on welfare.

Governments and politicians use the poor to justify policies, beuracracies and unions as well as to get re-elected. Ultimately the poor are pawns. I don't believe these groups want the poor to get out of poverty.

God calls us to love others. Are we truly loving people on welfare by forcing them to become more dependent on government by ever expanding welfare and unemployment programs? Or do we show that we love them by doing all we can to help them stand on their own and support themselves. This is how we show people we respect them, by believing in them and encouraging them.

The Bible tells us the poor will always be with us so we know there are some people who for various reasons (physical or mental) will not be able to provide for themselves. We have to make sure these people are taken care of.

It will take courage and commitment to do something like this.

A Definition of Manhood – Principle 1

From the Book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – from Chapter 4, Be a Man of Responsibility.

A Man Accepts His Masculinity

Masculinity is generally understood as having the characteristics of maleness. But the key ingredient is strength. From childhood, God has put a longing inside us to be strong. The natural competitiveness and aggressiveness in men is often a testing and demonstration of their strength. But like Jesus, every man also needs to be developing moral, mental, social and spiritual strength. That’s because all of our key roles in life will require greater strength in order to carry them out.

If men do not develop a sense of their own fortitude, they will never attempt hard things, lead their families, fight for their country or confront evil. Instead they will become irresponsible, passive cowards who are easily swayed and give up when the pressure is on.

Despite this it is a father’s job to call his sons into manhood. He should challenge them to embrace their masculinity, be like Jesus, and become mentally, physically, spiritually and socially strong. To walk, talk, and act like a strong man. King David charged his son Solomon, “Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man” (1 Kings 2:2).

So if you are an adult male, twenty years of age or older, then God considers you a man! (See Exodus 30:14, Leviticus 27:3, Numbers 1:3 and Numbers 14:29) But if you are going to obey Him and be faithful to Him until the end, you must act like a man, embrace your masculinity and hear His command to “Be strong” (Joshua 1:9).

Then as a man, when times get rough, you must not quit. When everything seems against you, you cannot run away. When you fall or fail – as all of us do – you must own your mistakes, get back on your feet and not shirk your responsibilities. When the enemy is attacking, you must keep up your resistance – “and having done everything, to stand firm” (Ephesians 6:13). You must keep doing the right thing and fighting for what is true and noble. You must obey God’s Word that says to all of us, “Act like men, be strong!” (1Corinthians 16:13). This is our responsibility as men. This is required of us to be faithful.

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Not every male has been raised as a man. Due to divorce, absent fathers, uninvolved fathers many have not had the instruction or the model of manhood to follow. That is no excuse for not becoming the type of man that God calls us to be. Read about the model that Jesus was.

There are Christian men who are willing to mentor you if you will make an effort to get to know them. There are many books, beginning with the Bible, this book, and others, DVDs and CDs that can help you.

If you didn’t pick this up when you read this the first time the direction is for you to act, to begin the process of change. Will it be easy? Probably not. But it is worth it.

Ask God daily to help you become the man He wants you to be.

A Definition of Manhood

These seven principles come together to form a single definition of manhood…

A man is an adult male

who accepts his masculinity

speaks and acts with maturity

embraces responsibility

functions independently

can lead a family faithfully

and recognizes his accountability

as an image bearer of God

These seven attributes need to be developing in every young man during his teenage years. And these are the attributes we should be embracing as grown men, too, for there is eternal significance behind each of them.

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From the book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick with Randy Alcorn - Chapter 4 -‘Resolve to be a Man of Responsibility’

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Watch for future posts about each of the individual principles.

It’s about change

Excerpts from the book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – Chapter 13 – Resolve to live with Integrity.

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‘One of the evidences of true Christians is their war against sin and their sincere repentance from it. Men who are living in perpetual repentance are the ones God uses with much greater spiritual effectiveness.

If you are humbled and broken by your sin, not making excuses or blaming others for what you have done – if you accept the consequences and are not angry with those disciplining you – if you are willing to do whatever it takes to be restored, and if there is long term change in your thinking and behavior…then your repentance is real. You’re back on track!

But if you confess only so you can feel better and look better – if you are angry about the consequences – if you don’t think you would have done anything differently if you could go back and do it over, and if you make no changes to keep from doing it again in the future, then your repentance is not real.

Regret and tears don’t mean repentance; change does.

But where learning from mistakes requires a change of mind set, repenting of sins requires a change of heart. All believers in Christ should become master repenters. We are naturally good at sinning but need to get better at repenting.

Repentance is transformational. It can mark the difference between heaven or hell, joy or sorrow, victory or defeat.

And to show you mean business, make some bold changes. Be willing to change unhealthy relationships, rearrange your routines, and throw out stumbling blocks. Set up better boundaries and stronger accountability. Stay in close fellowship with God, who loves you and wants to fill you and lead you.

So we should daily rely on God’s grace. Confessing our sins is not a one-time affair. It is a lifelong daily habit. When we blow it, we should quickly confess and turn away from it. We need to keep tender consciences before God. Not just today but for a lifetime.

The Apostle Paul wrote a great explanation of what true repentance looks like. See 2 Corinthians 7:8-11 NLT.’

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Is it OK to do it if it doesn’t hurt others?

I have struggled with writing about lying. I know I’ll sound judgmental if I do write something and that’s because I have the ‘J-gene’. What’s the’ J-gene’ you ask?

It occurred to me a few weeks ago when I was preparing for a talk I was giving on grace and I realized that in order for me to get to grace(simply explained as forgiving someone when they don’t deserve it) I first have to work through the ‘judgments’ I have. And in order to do that I have to remember what God has done for me and ask God how He wants me to understand this situation and the people involved.

Lying is on my mind now because of politics and the prevalence of ads, speeches, interviews, opinions and analyses that appear daily. I am not saying I haven’t lied but watching what is going on in society I notice an overabundance of lying.

Lying hurts people. It deceives people. It coerces people to do things they wouldn’t do if they had the truth. I think liars disrespect the people they lie to because they think their audience is stupid and will believe whatever lie they tell them.

Why is lying so prevalent in society? FYI, lying has occurred since Biblical times and is not a new phenomenon.

I have wondered for some time if you support someone who lies, let’s say a politician, does that make you a liar also? Or does that make you susceptible to lying?

That might be a bit of a stretch but I don’t think it is too far off the mark.

Why would I come to this conclusion? Here are some reasons. You may believe in the view that the end justifies any means that are used (so you can say or do whatever you want just so the result you want is achieved); or you occasionally lie about different things so you don’t see a problem with the lie; or you are a political ideologue so you justify the need to lie and all that matters is that your party beats the other party.

Lying is a character defect and I think ultimately that liars are weak people. When no one challenges their lies they appear strong and confident. And in politics others, like politicians from the same party, supportive members of the media, those depending on that party’s success, will support and defend the lies and shout down or ridicule those who question or challenge the lie. Liars and those who can’t defend their arguments or their record will attack their opponents or critics when they are questioned or challenged and many times their weapon is a lie.

Liars learned somewhere that lies can make them look good or help them get what they want. They probably started with a small lie maybe as a child, got the result they wanted and gradually adjusted the magnitude of the lie to the situation. There is a view that the bigger the lie, the more it will be believed.

If you are hanging out with liars you should reassess your relationship because if it hasn’t it will impact you and or your family and friends. Lying can be contagious and peer pressure can cause you to lie or expand your lying. Some people have said they can compartmentalize their lying (only lie about certain things or in certain areas) but I can’t see how someone who is successful lying in one area of their life won’t lie in other areas.

As Christians we are called to love others, even those who lie. I still struggle with that because of my tendency to judge but I’m working at it and can only forgive with God’s help.

How do I react to this?

If someone called you a 'flibbertigibbet', would you be pleased or offended?

We can make the great not so great

I am amused and saddened by the disagreements that Christians have with each other when we are called to love God and also to love others. These disagreements give non-Christians more reasons to call us hypocrites and not follow Christ. My definition of a hypocrite is someone who says one thing but does something else – many times the exact opposite.

I am seeing that now with those who believe that evangelism is the only thing that we should be doing as Christians. They say they follow the Great Commission as we are directed by Christ but they only use one aspect of the Commission for their purposes, the part that says we should baptize others. Well that’s part of it but if you read it in its entirety (see below) you will see that there is more to it.

Matthew 28:19-20 – Great Commission

¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

See what I mean. It says go and make disciples, baptize them and teach them.

What happens if we only baptize but don’t teach as some churches do? We end up not making disciples and that is the opposite of what Jesus intentionally did when he was on earth. The whole process is to develop disciples. Disciples are followers, not just believers, and are those who are more committed to Christ. Notice that Jesus didn’t say ‘go and make volunteers’ or ‘go and make donors’. He said ‘go and make disciples’ and from the disciples you will find those who volunteer, give, teach, etc.

Pat Morley from Man in the Mirror states it this way in his new book ‘Man Alive’, an excellent book: ‘…a disciple is equipped by a process of ongoing spiritual teaching, growth and transformation. To not disciple (train and equip) people who profess Christ will almost always mean they become lukewarm in faith, worldly in behavior and hypocritical in witness. Evangelism without discipleship is cruel’.

What Morley is saying is that those who aren’t discipled become ineffective in spreading Christ’s message or susceptible to questionable teachings or other religions that don’t offer what Christianity does and may leave the faith.

So it isn’t a matter of baptizing only or teaching only it is doing all that is required in Matthew 28:19-20. Decide to work to follow the entire Great Commission and do not criticize or condemn those who only believe one way or the other. This may require you to get a mentor but we should work together to follow Christ’s teaching.

Choose Wisely

‘Who are the people who have helped to make you who you are?’

A question raised by Howard Hendricks, a distinguished professor at Dallas Theological Seminary and author of more than a dozen books.

There is an Aesop’s Fable titled ‘The Ass and His Purchaser’ with the moral that a man is known by the company he keeps.

The people in your life, both past and present, have a major impact on who you are and who you will become. The Bible tells us to choose our friends carefully in Proverbs 12:26.

Self - Discovery

A.W Tozer’s Rules of Self – Discovery

The late A.W. Tozer, an eminent theologian who for years challenged and prodded the body of Christ to action, suggested seven areas that reveal our values and our true commitments:

What we want most

What we think about most

How we use our money

What we do with our leisure time

The company we enjoy

Whom and what we admire

What we laugh at

Political Courage

I’m watching Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s Victory speech after the recall election today.

A fighter, who in the face of significant opposition from unions, both local and national, from Democrats, both local and national, and from media outlets, both local and national, Walker did not give in or fold but instead took on the challenge.

In most local elections candidates only have to compete with local opposition not national. Walker has paved the way for other elected officials with similar opposition to compete and win.

I can’t help but think that Walker is cut from the same cloth as Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.

More on Calling

A follow up to my post on God’s calling on 6/2

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My E-Mail

While reading' My Utmost for His Highest' today I think some of your questions / concerns about 'Calling' are addressed by today's devotion (6/3).

These items speak to me because they are in line with what I have learned and what I believe.

There are two items that I underlined in the piece that assist us in our relationship with Jesus - intimacy and spiritual growth. The more we grow spiritually (by using the Spiritual Disciplines or whatever helps us grow closer to God) the more intimate we become with God. The greater the intimacy we have with God the more we understand what God wants us to do for Him.

And to make this work we have to yield or submit to God. It seems that the biggest difficulties we have with God is the battle over who is in control - us or God

I think our calling is all about what God wants us to do for Him (love God and love others) and intimacy with God helps us understand and do that.

Read the piece (I have copied it below) and let me know if this helps.

‘My Utmost for His Highest’ excerpt

“The Secret of the Lord” – 6/3/2012June 3, 2012

The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him . . . —Psalm 25:14

What is the sign of a friend? Is it that he tells you his secret sorrows? No, it is that he tells you his secret joys. Many people will confide their secret sorrows to you, but the final mark of intimacy is when they share their secret joys with you. Have we ever let God tell us any of His joys? Or are we continually telling God our secrets, leaving Him no time to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God. But then we find that God wants to get us into an intimate relationship with Himself— to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so intimately united to Jesus Christ’s idea of prayer— “Your will be done” (Matthew 6:10)—that we catch the secrets of God? What makes God so dear to us is not so much His big blessings to us, but the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us— He knows every detail of each of our individual lives.

“Him shall He teach in the way He chooses” (Psalm 25:12). At first, we want the awareness of being guided by God. But then as we grow spiritually, we live so fully aware of God that we do not even need to ask what His will is, because the thought of choosing another way will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified, God guides us by our everyday choices. And if we are about to choose what He does not want, He will give us a sense of doubt or restraint, which we must heed. Whenever there is doubt, stop at once. Never try to reason it out, saying, “I wonder why I shouldn’t do this?” God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense. And when we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, “Now, Lord, what is Your will?”

Knowing God’s Calling

I received an e-mail earlier this week from a friend with the question of knowing when you are called by God. I am reprinting part of that e-mail after making some edits so you get an idea of the context.

I was able to read the piece he referred to but was struck by the lack of inclusion of God in that piece.  We’re talking about God’s calling. My understanding or interpretation is that God want us to do something for Him. So He should be involved.

My response to my friend follows his e-mail.

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E-mail from friend:

‘I really enjoyed our conversation last night. One thing that struck me was the idea of being "called" into a specific service for the Lord.  This was not a long discussion but I thought it over after we parted company and I was hoping to get some more insight from you all. 

I read something about being called this week and I don't espouse everything that I read in that piece but it does raise a thought that I have been struggling with for the past three to four months; how do I know what God is "calling" me to do for His Kingdom?

I want to glorify and honor the Lord and in my mind that is done through service to God and to others but how am I to serve?  I have been helping out at church but I have not felt a strong pull in any one particular direction.

So, here it is, how does someone know when God is "calling" them into a specific path of service and obedience to Him?’

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My Response:

You raise a good question. My experience is that a calling is a leading or a sense of something you should do.

There could be some peace associated with it but I don't know if that is absolutely necessary. I think a lot of it is realizing that something needs to be done and that you have the ability and / or the gifts to do some of it.

The other part I think is having faith and trusting and depending on God. Asking for his help, guidance, direction, etc.

If it doesn't require God to accomplish it then it may not be God calling.