Occidental or Oriental

Parenting. Isn’t this an interesting experience? Now there is a new entry into the how-to parent advice book arena. The book referenced below is very different from what most Western parents are encouraged to be. And may be something that may arouse your ire.

An excerpt from the book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School, appeared in the Wall Street Journal last week and it is still one of the most popular articles at the WSJ web site. The title of the article is ‘Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior’.

My own view is that the modern day Western parent is afraid that their child(ren) won’t like them if they are strict and insist on certain behaviors or actions.

Read this excerpt and then see the full article at WSJ.com

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment.

By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do. I think there are several big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets.

I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem.

Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences.

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up.

But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.