My wife traveled to New York City today to go bridal gown shopping with our daughter, Kate. The wedding is a little less than a year off and it has caused us to relive some old memories.
I remember being in the delivery room when she was born, laying her on my chest to help her sleep when she had colic, watching her come out of a scrum of older kids with the ball during a soccer match, watching her leave for her first formal dance, seeing her cry when we were ready to leave her at college which was over 6 hours away and watching her drive off with her boy friend to a new city and a career.
I would like to think I was a good Father but not everything I did would support that idea. There are some things I did which I wish I could take back.
For example:
When I tried to motivate Kate in high school to not watch so much TV I would say, ‘If all you do is watch TV the only thing you will get good at is watching TV.’ I wasn’t earning any points with that remark.
And there was the time when she was applying to colleges and I told her I didn’t think she would get accepted anywhere because she wasn’t motivated in high school. I think she was accepted at all 6 schools she applied to.
And then there were the times when she got so frustrated with me when I offered advice that she yelled at me and stomped up to her room and wouldn’t talk to me. The only way I could suggest things to her was to slide notes under her door with the caveat to use the idea if helpful and if not just to throw the note away and forget that I wrote it.
I wasn’t real happy with me when our kids were growing up and I didn’t want our kids to go through what I had to when I grew up. What I didn’t realize is that going through all the stuff I did was helping me to become the person God wanted me to be.
Hopefully Kate has more good memories than bad of me. I know I have many more good memories than bad of her.
Both of our kids are on their own and I really miss them. I am proud of both of them, I love each of them a great deal and I love who each of them has become.
I believe and pray that God is working in each of their lives to help them become who He wants each of them to be.
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I was once expressing to a wise older friend my feelings of inadequacy regarding the overwhelming task of parenting and the everlasting negative effects my parenting mistakes may imprint upon them. I continued sharing concerns of my mishanded issuses with the children and how I was sure they'd be scared for life. When I am feeling like I've just failed one of my children again, my friend's response to me has been a great source of encouragement. They pointed out the very fact that I attempt to acknowledge my short comings, can admit them to my children and ask God to help me point out and change the ones I'm able to is really all I can do.
It is when I become too rigid, never extending grace or questioning our parenting using dictator like strategies to rule our home that I close off God from working in my life. As difficult as it can be to receive, there have been coutless times that God has used our children to point out an area of my life that needs work.
Perfect parenting does not exist. Ells, I suspect by the glimpses I've gotten of your heart that you've probably done and will continue to do a much better job at parenting than you'll give yourself credit for.
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