A Definition of Manhood – Principle 4

From the Book ‘The Resolution for Men’ by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and Randy Alcorn – from Chapter 4, Be a Man of Responsibility.

A Man Functions Independently

Both the Old and New Testaments say that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). Even if a man never marries, God created him to be able to leave home and stand on his own two feet. He should be capable enough to work, function, and live without dependence on anyone else financially, spiritually or specifically.

…a grown man should not need his parents or others taking care of him. He should be a fountain, not a drain. He should seek counsel, but function autonomously.

God often uses mothers during our childhood, and our wives in marriage, to point out areas where we are not being responsible or stepping into manhood. They can help us with reminders on the front end, but we should never become dependent upon their ‘mothering’. Like Jesus, the older and more mature a young man gets, the more he will have to pull away from his mother, cut the umbilical cord, and make decisions for himself (Luke 2:48-50; John 2:1-8; Matthew 12:46-50).

So if your mother (or father) is still trying to run your life, you need to lovingly tell them that you are trying to be the man God has called you to be – that they should pray for you but give you (and your wife) the space to make your own decisions. You will never become a responsible man if you allow your parents to control or dominate you during adulthood.

You need your wife’s help…learn to outpace her concerns. When she brings up things you need to be already on it. “I’ve already taken care of that” should be often flowing from your lips. Anticipate and initiate.

…He (Christ) was completely plugged into the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. That’s why He was able to be more like a thermostat, affecting His circumstances, rather than like a thermometer, merely reacting to his surroundings. If it hasn’t already happened, it’s time to cut the cord. Declare – and live – your independence as a man who has taken full responsibility for himself.

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My Thoughts

Manhood requires not only strength, responsibility and maturity but also independence. This doesn’t mean we do things totally on our own without consulting others. There are Biblical references in Proverbs to encourage us to consult with others who are more knowledgeable and have more wisdom when making big decisions.

The best decisions, I think, are the ones we make after consulting God and trusting Him for guidance and direction.  We have a choice to make every time we make a decision or take an action – do we trust ourselves or do we trust God.

Have the faith to trust in God because that is what God wants – ‘And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him’ (Hebrews 11:6).