50 Shades of Concern
As art often dictates
life, novels about violence are concerning. Published on August 29, 2012 in Psychology Today by Jennifer Hamady in Finding Your Voice
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-your-voice/201208/50-shades-concern
To
the question of whether art dictates or reflects life, I find both to be true,
as well as important. Artists are visionaries. Music, words, dance, and art can
inspire and lead us where we haven’t gone before both individually and
collectively. They can take us to places we have yet to dream possible.
Yet
art’s ability to lead also has a downside, as its pull is powerful regardless
of where it goes. This is true of all media; Angelina Jolie, in her efforts
years ago to help young women by sharing her experience with cutting, in fact
brought attention to an issue that then grew into an epidemic. The same was
true of eating
disorders in Japan following the introduction of our western medical
model’s view, and the increase of school violence and shootings after the
intense media attention on Columbine.
Awareness
leads to intrigue, which leads to experimentation. ‘Monkey see, monkey do’,
like most clichés, is an expression born of some truth. We are compelled by
social and behavioral psychology to learn through observing and recreating that
which we behold.
For
those who haven’t read the novel or been paying attention to the bestseller
lists lately, 50 Shades is the first work in a trilogy of erotic fiction by E L
James. But it’s more than that. It is, quite frankly, a novel about sexual and
emotional abuse.
In
summary, a college student meets a wealthy, successful businessman, with whom
she begins a relationship. It’s her first sexual experience, as well as her
first romantic
relationship. And the only liaisons he has ever had, on both the
giving and receiving end, have been abusive. He hits her. She doesn’t like it.
She asks him to stop. He won’t. She breaks up with him. But then goes back five
days later because she can’t live without him.
He
stalks her, knows her address, her bank account number, and has a copy of her
birth certificate. He is insanely jealous,
demands that she eats certain things, exercises a certain amount, and wears
certain clothes. He has her sign a contract that says she won't speak unless
spoken to and can’t look him in the eyes unless he says so. Her friendships,
with both men and women, are frowned up. He tells her repeatedly that it gives
him great pleasure to cause her physical pain. She is constantly terrified. Her
friends and family are worried. She cries constantly. She loses weight.
On
its own, this could be a case study of an abusive relationship– one hopefully
taken in an intake assessment at a battered women’s shelter.
But
it’s not. It is a work of fiction. Which means that the author can turn away
from reality and create a world of her own. A world in which this abusive,
“beautiful, screwed up man” also deeply respects and even loves our heroine,
and would never, ever really harm her. In James’ illusion, she is
the one actually in control. She is empowered and in charge.
And
by book three, they’re apparently in a healthy, loving, and non-violent
relationship.
I
am all for fantasy, self-expression, and the First Amendment. But as art does
so often influence life, I am also concerned that the relationship described in
these books– like cutting, eating disorders, violence and so many other trends
popularized by the media and splattered across our attention– will start to
make an appearance in schools around the country and beyond. Young
men and women who read the trilogy and might think ‘wow, that’s hot. Being hit
is hot. Being an object is hot. Being punished and prevented from seeing
friends and family is hot. Having a partner that is insanely jealous and
violent is hot. And if I stay in the relationship, love enough, submit enough,
and take the abuse enough, things will turn out OK.”
It
might be ‘hot’ in the book. But it is not hot in reality. And I am very, very
concerned.
***
A final point: the book explores aspects of the BDSM (bondage, discipline,
dominance/submission and sadomasochism) lifestyle, which I am not speaking
about or judging in any way. What two empowered, consenting adults choose to do
in the privacy of their own homes is certainly their choice.
Yet
choice is a tricky concept when it comes to young people– and those of any age–
who blur the lines of love, lust, insecurity and the desire for validation. This
book blurs those very lines, providing readers with an implausibly happy ending
to an unhappy, unhealthy, and all too common tale.
Jennifer Hamady is a voice coach and
therapist specializing in self-expression.
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