It may be time to make a choice

Early on in my Christian Life I constantly found myself struggling between wanting to be and live like a Christian and wanting to live the life I used to live that was far from being a Christian.

It was a constant battle and I didn’t know what to do to resolve it. I would go to church or watch a sermon on TV or listen to a talk on tape and I wanted to be more committed to Christ. But then a friend would call and invite us to a party or to a bar and I couldn’t wait to get there and I totally forgot about being a Christian. And I lived the old way.

I felt torn between two ways of life. It was like I was standing over a line with one foot on either side of the line and I was being pulled in both directions.

I knew I had to make a decision but either I couldn’t or I wasn’t willing to.

By being around Christians who were more committed or mature in their faith I decided that it was more important to be like Christ and that inner turmoil eventually left.

I wanted a stronger relationship with Christ because of those people who were stronger and more mature Christians. I wanted what they had, the relationship they had with Christ, the relationships they had with their wives and families and the relationships they had with others.

It was because they knew Christ personally, they prayed, they read the Bible, they attended church and they served others. They weren’t interested only in advancing their own self-interest.

The following excerpt is a good way to explain this.

‘James calls … this condition being ‘double – minded’ (James 4:8). He describes such a person as being like ‘a wave of the sea,’ driven by the wind one minute and backwards the next (James 1:6). It is a life of divided loyalties.’

Most of us know what it is like to be a wave on the sea. We are pulled toward this life of Christ, and yet held back by a secret sin for which we haven’t been willing to renounce or get help. We long for the adventure of following Christ fully, but we’re afraid of the price. We commit to pleasing God alone, only to find ourselves driven to impress others. We go back and forth. It is a miserable way to live.

In Jesus’ words, the secret to life is to pursue one thing. It is to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (Matt 6:33). It is an unbelievable relief to be delivered from double – mindedness, to finally decide, to stop being torn.’

-        Excerpt from the book ‘Growth: Training vs Trying’ by John Ortberg, et al. in the Pursuing Spiritual Transformation series, pages 31-32

I encourage you to seek God constantly to desire to be more like him, to associate with Christians who are more mature in their faith and to do the things (Bible reading, praying, associating, etc.) that will help you become a stronger Christian. God has helped me.