‘10 Smart
Things I’ve Learned from People Who Never Went to College’
By David
DiSalvo, Contributor to Forbes
‘I grew up in an extended
family of folks who for the most part didn’t attend college. Many of them were
working full time before they left high school, and a few (like my father) went
to night school after they’d already been working for a long time. From an
early age my perspective was steeped in wisdom from those who never went to
college, but managed to live fulfilling lives just the same. Here are ten
things they and others I’ve encountered along the way have taught me.
1. You can learn
something useful from anyone.
Whenever we find
ourselves ignoring someone because we’ve already determined that they aren’t
“smart” enough to say something meaningful, we’ve made a big mistake. Besides
being presumptuous and arrogant, this mindset blocks out every useful thing the
other person might pass along. Instead of just listening and mining the
conversation for nuggets of wisdom, we allow our pre-existing bias to brand
everything as “not smart enough for me.” Incredibly bad idea. I’ve yet to meet
someone who couldn’t teach me something.
2. If quality slips, it
really doesn’t matter how good your ideas were.
This one I learned from a
couple of my uncles who worked as quality control specialists on assembly
lines. The most ingenious design plans, no matter how many brains contributed
to them, can fatally falter in the execution phase if quality slips. This is
equally true for intangible plans. Imparting greatness requires a continuum of
effort and attention, not just an initial brain-fueled flurry to get exemplary
ideas on paper.
3. Don’t ever let a bully
intimidate you – not even once.
Now, some might say this
one is too dogmatic because it’s possible to allow a bully to intimidate you in
the short term so you can get the upper hand in the long term. But the best
advice I ever received about this came from a retired truck driver who said,
paraphrasing, “When you let a bully intimidate you, the bully doesn’t
necessarily win, but you definitely lose.” What he meant was, you lose upstairs
where the loss takes a progressively worse toll on your psyche. Yes you can
recover from that, but it’s going to take a lot more effort to bring your
self-esteem up to par again than if you’d stood your ground to begin with.
Reasonable people can differ on this, of course, but I think it’s sound advice.
4. Reciprocity is the
name of the relationship game and always will be.
If you can’t find it in
yourself to return a favor, or give back more than you got when someone helped
you out of a bind, then you are relationship handicapped. While this may seem
like basic intuitive logic (and it is), it’s amazing how often it’s ignored.
While relationships shouldn’t be tit for tat arrangements, the underlying willingness
to reciprocate—even if it’s really hard to do—must be there for the
relationship to grow and flourish. None of us are one-way streets.
5. Learning is good;
Doing is better.
Well, ok, this one is a
little bit on the nose. Learning is more than good – it’s essential. Learning
is the elixir that makes the human brain the most powerful organic
decision-making and problem-solving tool on the planet. The main point here
(passed on to me by a former co-worker) is that there’s a certain magic in
doing that many people simply miss out on. You can learn a lot about car
engines, but until you get under the hood and work on one, you can’t see just
how remarkable an invention these machines we take for granted truly are.
That’s one example of thousands, but the same principle applies.
6. Kindness isn’t optional.
6. Kindness isn’t optional.
Kurt Vonnegut famously
said, “There’s only one rule that I know of… you’ve got to be kind.” Why do
some people just “get” this while others find being kind a chore? Personally, I
think it has a lot to do with our need to feel right, and an attendant unwillingness to consider that
maybe we really aren’t right, and it’s not worth treating another person
unkindly to prove whatever point is on the table. Besides that, being unkind is
illogical because it only incites unkindness aimed at you, and who wants that?
7. You can survive
anything (assuming it doesn’t physically kill you).
More than one person has
said something like this to me, and I think it’s dead on right. Often it’s rumination about how we won’t survive this or that calamity that really gets us. But
usually we can find the inner reserves to overcome just about anything, and
will probably surprise ourselves that we pulled it off. I’m not saying it won’t
hurt like hell, or bring us to our very brink, but we usually give ourselves
far too little credit for being able to overcome difficulty. I won’t quote Nietzsche here, but you get the point.
8. Get a dog.
I suppose this one could
also be “get a cat” or a fish for that matter, but as someone once told me,
there’s something about a dog that brings out the best in its owners.
Companionship with a beast brimming with unconditional love does a body good –
especially when hard times hit.
9. Money is important,
but experience is invaluable.
I honestly can’t recall
where I first heard this but I’m putting it on this list anyway because I think
it’s really important. When you buy something, you’ll enjoy that thing for
awhile, but our in-built tendency toward habituation
will eventually assert itself and the thing will become yet another thing we
own. When we invest in experience, however, we are buying memories, and new
learning, and new ways of thinking, and a whole lot more. Those are things that
become part of who we are, and no physical item can touch that dollar for
dollar.
10. Just be ready.
We’ll end with a nice bit
of simple logic. Just be ready…for anything. Quoting that inestimable
philosopher, Mike Tyson, “Everyone has a plan – until they get
punched in the face.” Exactly. So be ready to get punched in the face, and then
refer back to #7 on this list.’
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